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mossyoakman said:

at a previous facility i worked we had an inmate in the "hole" that used his feces as paint.it was around thanksgiving and he made a mural with a big meadow,mountains in the background and a huge turkey in the middle and at the top it said "happy thanksgiving" all made with his feces.we made him clean the mess up and take a shower.

theres always a lighter side threat

The funniest thing I saw at the jail was a mini pool table made out of soap... with micro cues and balls.. with green coloring and black.. highly skilled craftsmanship... I let him keep it for a few days till we did a shakedown.. I figure it aint hurting nobody if he wants to do arts a crafts by himself..

We had a guy put his wedding band on his penis...and got it stuck!! Had to send him to the hospital and have it cut off (the ring that is). Although he was very close to losing it all. When I asked him why he did something so stupid, he said he got bored. Pretty stupid! Not to mention that he was actually able to get the ring on there.

I wasn't there when they happened, but I have heard the stories many times.

We had a trusty that had been sneaking out the back door and going to the gas station down the street an getting chew (not sure where he got the cash). One night a fellow officer was walking his dog and saw him. He called the on-duty officer and let him know. The on-duty officers then waited for the trusty to return. They caught him next to a row of pine trees on the jail property. When they asked him what he was doing the only thing he could come up with was "Picking up Pine Cones". The on-duty officer said "in the dark" and the trusty "Yep". The Officer asked him "where they at?" and the trusty asked,"what" and the officer said "the pine cones" and the trusty basically started to cry.

One of our Work Release Jailers went into the Inmate's restroom one night doing checks. He heard some noises coming from a stall and noticed a cord running from an outlet to the stall. He thened opened the stall door and saw an inmate sitting on the toilet with toilet paper on his lap and hiding "something" with his. He then heard muffeld moans coming from a trash can in the stall. He looked in the trash can and there was a portable DVD player playing some soft-core porn. The inmate didn't have the foggiest on how it got there. The report was the funniest part of the whole thing as this officer had a flare for report writing to say the least.

Ive wored SMU Units or awhile now and you can always get a kick ou of the crazys as lon as there not trying to kill themselves out eat there own crap..... I had a guy when I worked at GDCP Super High Max in GA this inmate was in a wheel chair and one day I went out to the yard to bring the inmates in I saw him up doing jumping jacks... None of the inmates saw me so I went and got my partner.. We took the unit video camera and stood on the bunk of an empty cell and video taped him out of the window we showed it to the head of (Med) then our unit manager we lauged our asses off... We then took the inmate into a shake down room and took the wheel chair from him... All the inmates laughed at his ass.... The next day we had to extract him for trying to throw urine at Me and med staff... It was so so funny... I have this Inmate were I work now that just sits in his cell and laughs l day. He chokes when eating because he cant stop laughing wh knows... I and another officer was escorting an inmate one day and he was hand cuffed infront when we got to the court house he was standing beside his lawyer before the judge came in all the sudden the other officer said what in the hell is he doing... The inmate had started masturbating in pain sitein public... Needless to say he was being charged with lood sexual acts in pubic... Go figure.....

I SAW an officer shoot a plastic skeleton in a science lab while doing a room search once....that was both scary and funny,,,,and nooooo he didn't get the chance to do it again......CAN WE SAY "that's where crossing guards are formed".....???