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What is the most bizarre 911 or police call you have taken. This can be bizarre, funny, or utterly stupid. I don't dispatch but found a few here and posted them. You can see what I found here:
http://www.policelink.com/entertainment/videos/195-jay-leno-reviewing-911-tapes

I answered a 911 call a few weeks ago and the woman on the other end was just screaming at first, and when I said again, "911, where is your emergency?", she began preaching to me and quoting Revelations. It was somewhat disturbing!

Strangest call = Eggbeater and a vagina. Nuff said?

Ha! Good ones! We had a DOA who was in his apartment surrounded by porn and had a ringy on his dingy ding ding. They didn't say whether or not he was smiling but I think he died happy!

There is a guy walking down the street with a rifle. He is shooting down the street. He just stopped an old women who was driving down the street. He just opened her door. He just shot her!.............This was a day from hell when I was a dispatcher!

Got a call "man with a gun", when we arrived there was 3 kids in a parking lot with huge water gun.

I’ve posted this one so sorry if its a repeat for ya’ll. At the previous agency I worked with we had this policy that if anyone asked for a deputy you must send one and let the deputy tell the person they really did not require LE assistance. Well 911 starts ringing and I answer and there is this man who is frantic stating he needs an ambulance and the police ASAP. WHen I begin pumping him for information he proceeds to tell me that the Green Monster is loose again and running down the street eating people. Imagine trying to maintain seriousness now. I motion for some other dispatchers to patch into the line so that they can hear what this gentlemen is telling me. Now here comes the best part after I disconnect I have to dispatch a deputy to this call so I compose myself and without breathing give the call out and just unkey because evryone in the 911 center is laughing now. Then the deputy responce back between his laughter with 10-4 10-59(enroute). Then he calls in and ask me if I was serious and when I played back the recording for him to hear he could not believe it. To make matters worst the guy called back a few times that day. In good fun when my deputy cleared he advised that the green monster could not be located at this time but to please leave a note for animal control to set some traps in the morning so we could try and apprehend it.

About 10 years ago I took a 911 call from a man who stated his wife was in labor and she was not going to make to the hospital. As i'm going thru the procedures for child birth, he mentions that his wife is a double amputee and has two prostetic legs. I advised him just to remove her legs and toss them aside since there only going to get in the way and prop items around her so she doesn't roll off the bed. (My partner nearly fainted upon hearing me tell him this). Luckly the medics arrived on scene just as the baby did. Mom gave birth to a healthy girl !

Tone goes out...Respond to (adress given) referance weeds pulled out of her garden plot... by the way this is common with the same caller on a community garden lot.. the other one...Tone....respond to (address) ref. feces in the yard and He does not think its animal... upon arrival wanted DNA to find the suspect.... We have some real winners around here.....

i have two 911 calls ref to dead cats in the roadway-the first was a very frantic woman not knowing what to do with a neighborhood cat being run over in the roadway?hello scoop kitty up and bury him...

i'm a dispatcher and a reserve officer. one night last fall i was doing some ride time after my 2nd shift duty in dispatch was up. just a few days earlier when i was riding along we had an armed robbery at the McDonalds in town about 5am... for the time being the dogs never tracked the guys down so they were basiclly still at large.
anyways back to the story, i was riding with my fto again a few nights later and we had this elderly lady pulled over... she was a little crazy and she wasn't making sence. we walked up to the vehicle to get her information and she was screaming "please don't shoot me, please don't shoot me!" all of a sudden we hear the 3rd shift dispatcher calling us "rush traffic" the citgo a block away was supposedly getting robbed at gun-point. (or so they thought) it just so happens, our elderly crazy lady was on her cell phone to 911 yelling "please don't shoot!" and her cell hit the nearest tower which was the citgo station.
we didn't know that until we beat feet back to the squad and flew down to the citgo station where everything was fine. we played back the tapes and it was our lady. we ended up finding her again and giving her a talking to...
it was a weird call for us.

Mine would have to have been in my first year as a dispatcher. I recieved a very calm 911 call from a woman requesting an ambulance. Quiet EMS calls are not generally a reason to get me all that excited, so I calmly pulled up my PRO QA. I asked the caller what the problem was. She said that her son had shot himself. Calm callers like that are very strange, so I asked her where he had shot himself. She said he had discharged a 12 ga shotgun in his face. Ok, the juices get flowing here, as our first role in communications is to save lives. So I started my questioning, got police and EMS enroute and was providing my post dispatch instructions to her. All of a sudden, she yells at her son, "You're a lousy shot! You cant even do that right!" The way she said it in the seriousness of the situation, forced me to mute my mic and laugh. I am so glad she continued to yell at him the way she did so I could get a hold of myself. By the time she came back on the line, I was breathless, but able to finish my job.

Fender1604 said:

Someone is in my house!!!! Late one night a lady called up all freaked out stating that someone was in her house.
I got units on the way and continued to question her. She said she heard her home alarm beep so she opened her 2nd floor balcony door and went outside.

Then she just exploded “OH MY GOD THEY ARE IN MY HOUSE” , “MY ALARM IS GOING OFF”. I could hear the audible in the background I asked if she could see of hear anything and she wouldn’t even respond.

Instead she thought it would be a good idea to jump off the 2nd floor into her pool. I advised her that I had officers in the area and she decided not to jump. Long story short the “BEEP” was a smoke detector battery and the alarm going off was her opening the balcony door.

Me: "Carilion Police Department, what is your emergency?"

Them: "There is a dog on the sidewalk, and it is dead."

Me: "Okay miss, where are you?"

Them: "IT JUST BIT ME! IT"S NOT DEAD IT'S NOT DEAD!!!"

I tried not to laugh out loud...but failed miserably. Maybe not the most bizarre, but it was strange. Made my day.

One of the more stupid calls that comes to mind is a lady who called 911 to ask how much postage was. Yup, I almost couldn't help myself but remembering I'm on a recorded line sure saved my neck. She said she wasn't able to get a hold of anyone at the post office so she called 911. We dispatch officers for ALL 911 calls and when I did I advised the officer of her reason for calling and they read her the riot act. Thank you boys, hehe