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What comeback caused stunned silence?
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Posted about 1 month ago Okay...you deal with creeps all day long..and most of the time at least someone has a stupid comment or stupid question that they ask....What is your wittiest and most shocking comeback ever? Tell us the circumstances and shock us all. |
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| Posted about 1 month ago For some reason (I am not going to explain) every place I have ever worked I have been asked by either officers or inmates this question: " Hey you got any black in you?" or "Hey you got any Indian in you?"....I have been asked that question many times...once recently by a man returning from work with a group of inmates. I calmly looked at him and said "not recently I haven't"......you coulda heard a pin drop....priceless moment. |
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| Posted about 1 month ago I use many, in fact, almost non-stop. With my trainees, I like the following from "An Officer and A Gentleman" - I want your DOR that's Drop On Request, to which they obediantly reply, I GOT NO WHERE ELSE TO GO. Now for the terds riding in the back wearing the bracelets, I usually pull out this one from TOP GUN, Slider (sniff sniff) You Stink. |
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| Posted about 1 month ago I have yet another one from ten minutes ago...I had to go to one of the units and pick up a sputum sample from an inmate to see if he has blood in it...He brings this 'spit' down to the desk in a coffee cup...and hands it to me...Then he says....."do you need me to go wtih you?"... I said no....Just let me taste it and see if it tastes like blood....I thought he was going to pass out.... Screening for hepatitis used to be fun..we had to ask the guys if they had ever had sex with another man...and I usually followed up with the younger ones..."Would you like to, cause we can work something out for you?"....that usually caused some faces to go pale.... |
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| Posted about 1 month ago I'm here to save your @$$ not kiss it. I respectfully request Nikk and Henry be brought back as moderators please. PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY! |
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| Posted about 1 month ago You would be surprised how good I feel , now that i had my sex change! Dah Glory earned on the field of battle , can never be taken away , you take it with you to the grave. Quote by General George Armstrong Custer |
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| Posted about 1 month ago
I stole this one from the movie Tombstone, but it worked nonetheless.
When confronted by a group of Inmates who informed me they were going to kill me, I told them to draw straws or pick numbers and decide which one of them would die first, because although they may get me in a rush, I would take out at least one of them with my bare hands. I told them to contact me when they decided who was willing to volunteer. Throughout the housing unit, there was a resounding chorus of "Awwwwwwwww SHIT!" "Show class, have pride, and display character. If you do, winning takes care of itself." - Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant "America was not built on fear." "America was built on courage, imagination and an unbeatable determination to do the job at hand. " - President Harry S. Truman |
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| Posted about 1 month ago In court, after the sentencing phase of a pukes trial, he threatened me from the defense table, by saying; "I know where you live". I stood up and in a clear voice, told him; I don't lock the front door and the dog doesn't bite. I was almost suspended for it, but it sure got quiet. Beyond fatigue lies compensatory hypertrophy |
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| Posted about 1 month ago When someone calls me a "mf" I reply, "Keep your mother out of my yard and I will keep my yard out of your momma." |
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| Posted about 1 month ago I told a local puke, who we have dealt with for years "I am glad to see that I have not previously over estimated your level of intelligence.." All thats is needed for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. |
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| Posted about 1 month ago I'll have your job tomorrow You picked a good time to start you have the next three days off. Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. Moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue. -Senator Barry Goldwater |
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| Posted about 1 month ago I've heard many times so far this year from stuck up kids who somehow pay their $30,000 tuition and think they own the world: "I pay your salary!" to which I reply "I think its about time you gave me a raise." They don't know what to say to that. The "That must make me your boss!" was added to that twice this year. I answered with "If you were my boss, I'd have quit by now. But I'm still here, aren't I?" They stomp away in a hippy huff. Its amazing how hippies get bewildered or tounge-tied with the silliest comebacks, lol.
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