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Interesting posting.  I have the opposite issue.  DH is not at all interested and I think it's because he's tired/stressed from work. 

I don't always want to make love either.  I don't always NEED it.  Like I've told him "I just want you to WANT to". 

For a lot of women, me included, it's more about the attention, affection and tenderness.  FEELING loved, not just the "act" of making love. Be sure to show her affection and tenderness whenever you think about it, not just when you want sex.  Call her for no other reason than "just to say I Love You". 

And, keep the lines of communication open.  If it's bothering you, discuss it with her.  Otherwise, what tends to happen is that you tire of being turned down so you stop asking for it or seeking that affection.  That can lead you down a dangerous path.  Many men/women cheat because they aren't getting those needs met at home.  Not saying you will/would. Just pointing out, what seems to be, a main reason spouses cheat.

Good luck with this one.

If you want your marriage to work.... have this discussion with her, not us....

My wife suffers from a great number of medical issues and so our sex life isn't what it used to be, but if you let her know that you just want to spend some quality alone time together, eventually the sexual aspect may resume, but if things aren't satisfactory.... you need to let her know not us....

communication is the key....

You must must tell her how you feel. If you are worried about how it will come out then write her a letter. Marriage is tough. I have only been married a year and I wish someone would of told me how hard it was going to be. My husband loves me to death, but he doesn't show it in the ways that I want. Myabe your wife thinks that having a clean home for you to come home to is what would make you happy.  We all have different love languages. You wife needs to know yours, so she can fufill all your needs and vice versa. When you have those times when things are good, keep it going. There must be little things that you can do to help engage her.  Once she sees what you want and understands, things will fall into place. Good Luck

hey help her out both clean the home and then she might have time for you!

Oh I could have a field day with this one but I know it is a serious subject so I will remain serious.  Everyone here has given great advice thus far especially leowives and TheSarge.  You need to find a way to communicate your feelings to her better than what you have already described.  You should do it in a neutral environment like a restaurant as TheSarge said or maybe go for a walk or a weekend or overnight getaway.  Get creative, hire a cleaning service to come do a one time thorough cleaning of your house as a surprise to her then tell your wife you are taking her out and that you got the cleaning service so you could spend some quality time with her.  Make sure when you talk to her you not only ask her questions but pay attention to the answers. 

I would assume that you are seeking not only to get a little something, something but also to just spend quality time together so try starting off with that first.  Dinner, a movie, a quiet night at home with a rented movie and gourmet take-out.  If you have kids get someone to take them overnight.  Make sure when you are dumping off your stress to her that you pay attention to her concerns because she is probably stressed too but you may not be catching it.  Remember they are a different animal than us, as 99% of them will tell you and they think and express things differently. 

If all else fails, when you go out to dinner, spike her drink!!!!   Sorry but I couldn't resist throwing in one funny.  Good luck and remember marriage is a two way street. 

if your woman is concentrating on house work it is the fact that she is seriously streesed about world issues right now...if she dosent work she is trying to keep a clean house for you if you are the bread winner it makes her feel like she is contributing the best she can ..if she works as well she may have some issues going on at work that is out of control...the only things woman will have the best control on in her life is making things around her clean ..cleaning gives her a chance to work out frustrations and she has the power and control in the situation of how clean she wants things to get...if can pick up your woman and lay her out in the kitchen on the counter just somewhere out of blue baby her fully but dont back down

Interesting topic I must say but, what I haven't yet seen here is my situation... My fiance & I will have been together for 1 year on Thanksgiving Day this year. We "both" work for the Missouri DOC & on the same shift (graveyard). Initially, we spend a lot of time on the job together BUT, it works.  We don't go out of our way to cross eachothers path while on the job. We have excellent communication skills & know to flip the mental "On Duty" switch off once we get past the institutions air locks. Our days off vary slightly but, we have one whole day off together to have our alone time. I can read him like headline news in the morning paper though he has yet to figure me out! LOL. Learning from my situation, you just have to learn the right time to talk to one another. 

Women love spontanuity... so suprise us at times. Just come up with a hug or kiss thats unexpected once in a while & we'll usually get the point. My fiance bought me a fake yellow rose from a gas station one day & spritzed his cologne on it to give it a fragrance before giving it to me. It wasn't the rose in itself that amazed me... it was the thought that he took the time to think about something like that.

There are a lot of good responses here and it's nice to hear from both the men and women, especially since, as one member pointed out, we DO speak different languages.

One thing that means the world to me is for my husband to simply ask "what can I do to help you?"  He may have no real intention of helping me, and I think he knows I'd rather do it myself, but just the OFFER lets me know he's tuned in and recognizes how hard I'm working.

Look, as LEO Wives, we KNOW what we're getting in for.  We know we're going to have periods where our husband's are tired, stressed, over worked, under paid, etc. etc.  It's part of OUR job to make sure you have a stress free home so you can unwind, relax and refuel for your next shift.  If we add more stress to an already stressful job, it's distracting. Distraction can be deadly in the jobs you do. 

I'm not, by any means, June Cleaver, but these are not your "traditional" marriages and we need to work together to make our marriages successful and help you stay safe. 

You might start by letting her know that it's okay if the house isn't "model home" perfect (as my husband puts it).  Our home is lived in.  We have a son and 3 dogs.  I'm chronically ill with Lupus and there can be 2 or 3 days in a row where I can barely, if at all, get out of bed.  He "lets me off the hook".  And, at the same time, I've learned that I have to be okay with the fact that he comes home at O Dark-30 and is exhausted.  If his clothes don't make it in the hamper.......SO WHAT???  There are times when our home is more cluttered than others and I've learned to be okay with that.  It's not what is important to us. 

While I do think going out to a nice dinner and having special "us" time is a good idea, it has to be more than that.  It's not a one night fix.  This has to be a long term plan to improve your day to interractions.  Open up the lines of communication.  ASK questions and LISTEN to the answers.  You've already identified some of the issues as pointed out by your ex girlfriends.  Now what can you do to improve them?  Let her know that you're aware of these areas that could use improvement.  You'll be surprised at how she may react when you accept some responsibility. 

I sound like I'm preaching, and I don't mean to.  Sorry.  I just know what works for me.  I don't, by any means, have the PERFECT marriage, but one thing I do know is that if you don't communicate freely, openly, and regularly, your marriage is doomed.  It will go downhill fast.  Let her know what you need/want and ask what she needs/wants in return.    For us, that meant making a pledge to turn off the computers when we went to bed (no more laptops in bed) and falling asleep touching.  Sometimes we hold each other, sometimes we just wrap our legs around each other, or make sure our feet/arms, whatever are touching.  It's an affirmation, if nothing else.

Good luck, and feel free to come in here and get support whenever you need/want.  It's what this group is for, right??

as a wife of an LEO it is difficult and yes many times its not just about sex its about just spending time together or cuddling but many times my husband just turns over and goes to sleep very frustrating.

I kinda wish I had this prob with my husband! Mine is new to being a civilian LEO and I think he's still trying to prove himself to his boss and co-workers, don't know why but... alot of times I wish he would just walk in the door and give me hug or call and say he just called so he could hear my voice. You know that kinda stuff that you do like the first year you're together. That stuff women actually miss it. It's just the attention I guess. But I've been on the other end too. While my husband was going through the police academy, I worked as much over time as I could to get the extra money and we were living with his parents to cut back on bills while he was in school cause he didn't work. When I got home about 8pm I was tired and I still had to but our son to bed and deal with stuff like that so he didn't get much attention from me so I try to be understanding on him being tired and stressed from work, and of course when he has a good day at work and he gets home in a good mood he gives me attention and he'll actually sit in the floor and play with our son which I love seeing because he doesn't do that much. But to sum it up, I don't know what to tell you. Just be patient, and get to the bottom of it cause there could be something bothering her.

Thankfully, my wife and I had this discussion long ago when I was in the Navy.  I just sat down and talked to her,. telling her how I felt and that I felt our relationship was more imprtant than the house.  I told her how much I appreciated how she kept the house clean and all but I also told her that our personal relationship was more important to me than a spotless house.  There were some other things (not apropriate here) but, bottom line, she told me how she felt, too.  We were able to work together and work it out.  I would help her get things done when I got home (didn't take that long) so we could have more time to spend together to cuddle up and watch a movie on television.  More importantly, we established a "date night" that we have not broken in over 20 years.  You'd be surprised what that can do for a relationship.  No matter what I have to do or she has to do, we have our date.  If I get called in to work we will have the date on another night.  By the way, we don't discuss work or husehold chores on these dates.  Anyway, it works.  And..........we will celbrate our 40th anniversary next Sunday.

Ya I found a direct correlation that sums this subject matter up.  10 fingers represent 100% of the sex life we had before marriage.  Putting a wedding ring on one finger eliminated exactly 90% of that.  See we had the bright idea of having her go back to finish college while she still worked.  We see each other for about 10 minutes a night... I'm pretty sure she has brown hair and hazel eyes but I can't remember!

Here's my problem....

I work nights at the jail 17:00 - 06:00, and tired ass hell when I get home. All I want to do is craw in bed and curl up to my body pillow and SLEEP! Well, my man's sex drive is peaking when he wakes up in the morning when I get home. All he wants to do is curl up to me (or on top of me I should say - LOL). He thinks I don't want him, or I'm not interested, and it's not that. I just don't want him RIGHT THEN, at 6: 30 in the morning. How do I get it through to him that I AM NOT a morning person...that's WHY I work nights!!!